Alone
by Rydia Highwind
Summary: FF4 - Edward reflects on his lost love. Not very original, but I was in a bad mood. :P


**Alone**  
by Rydia Highwind   
  
  
Alone.   
  
In the quiet, the silence of alone. Nothing here to keep me from it's overwhelming presence. Not anymore. Not now. It's a deep chasm, its dark, empty jaws yawning out beneath me, striving to take me in it's firm grasp. It's pulling me under, it's dragging me down, it's consuming me alive. My heart is completely empty now, there's no one to save me from the frightening abyss of my own mind. There's no one here to pull me back when I slip too far back, to hold my hand as I walk through this valley. There's no one, because I am alone.   
  
Alone. There very word has always struck fear into my inmost being, all those years I was alone, alone, beyond help, or understanding, or emotion. I simply was back then. I was not sad, for I had never been happy. I was not lonely, for I had never had companionship. I did not know that I was without emotion because I had never experienced emotion. I simply knew that I was. And somewhere deep within my soul, I knew I lacked something. Everyone around me had something that I did not have, something I could not identify. And that is why I had to take my leave when I was old enough. I wanted to find that which I did not have. I was a prince, and a spoiled one at that. I wanted what I did not have. I wanted it because I felt hollow, and that was not how I was supposed to be.   
  
And that's when I met her.   
  
She called herself Anna. Hers was a beauty unmatched in all of Damcyan. I had not then yet been many places outside the castle, but when I met her there in Kaipo, I knew right then that she had to be the most lovely being on this earth. I felt as if I was looking upon Terra herself the moment I saw her in that crowd, her long, red-gold locks blowing gently in the wind, her sparkling blue eyes that seemed to smile along with the rest of her face. She looked up, sensing my gaze, from the child she had been playing with, and she looked directly at me. Then, then she smiled.   
  
In that moment, with her sapphire eyes locked with mine, my heart melted. That emotionless hole where my heart should have been gave way and everything I had left the castle to seek for was suddenly there, right in front of me. I started to walk toward her when another gaze caught mine. It was a much harder gaze, of an older man, his eyes hidden behind a pair of thick glasses. He was scowling. Scowling at me. I looked away, and then I walked away. Everything I had felt when I saw her remained, however, and it wasn't long before I sought for her again.   
  
But every time I saw her, that man with the glasses was there as well. So I would simply keep to myself, play my harp, and sometimes even sing. One such day, I let the emotions that she had granted me, I let them into my fingers and into my voice, and I closed my eyes and simply sang. This newfound feeling I had seeped out into my music and I was suddenly nothing but an outlet for my mind.   
  
When I finally opened my eyes, I discovered I had drawn quite a crowd. Among them standing around me, clapping my uncharacteristic outburst, she stood, smiling at me with her eyes as well as her lips. I stood, and I walked to her. "Sir!" said she when I had arrived. "Your song was just gorgeous, sir. Wherever did you learn to sing like that?" Then, with a bit of embarrassment, she blushed slightly and bowed her head. "Forgive me. I am Anna, and its a pleasure to meet you, Mr...?"   
  
"Edward. My name is Edward."   
  
That day was the day Anna started giving me back everything I had grown up without. I still don't know how she did it. I don't know how she managed to stir up something that had not existed until her eyes had locked with mine that fateful day. I don't know how those simple words of introduction managed to change my life so drastically. I just can't explain it. I guess that's love.   
  
But now...   
  
Now, Anna is gone. And once again, I am alone. The silence is unbearable. It represents her absence. It's nothing but an agonizing, second-by-second taunting voice repeating over and over that my lonliness will now never be cured. Because Anna is lying in my arms, arrows penetrating her frail figure, her breathing steadily slowing, her blood staining my shirt. Nothing now, nothing but silence. I'll stay here with you forever, my love. Just you and me, forever. We'll stay here as the castle burns, we'll stay here together, and we'll never be apart again.   
  
But, no.   
  
"Come on, Edward. Anna wouldn't want you to do that."   
  
Who is this man, the wielder of the black armor and sword, this man from the nation that destroyed my home, murdered my parents, and stole the single most thing I loved more than anything else in the world? Who is he that I should listen to him? Is he not just as much at fault as I? She died protecting me from the arrows. She gave her life, so that I could live. But for what? So that I could stay here in this dying castle, clutching her body?   
  
"Edward, my dear. These people need you. You must help them. I can no longer be with you, Edward."   
  
_But, Anna, what can I do without you? I can't live without you._   
  
"Come on. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have the strength to rebuild your nation. You have the strength to help these people. You have the strength to live."   
  
_I'm not strong, I'm just a coward...I'm not like you, Anna. I can never be strong. I don't have the strength, like you do._   
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. I loved you, Edward. I loved everything about you, and I saw no weakness. I am the one that was too cowardly to continue. You are alive. You must walk in my place. Will you do this for me, my love?"   
  
_Oh, Anna... How can I leave you? How can I say good-bye? How can I live without you? Without you, I am nothing._   
  
"No, Edward. Without you, _I_ am nothing. I gave something to you, Edward, and that will always remain with you. You have courage, but you need to find it. Use it now, Edward. The world needs you. I need you."   
  
_I will go...only for you. I love you, Anna. Please wait for me...wherever you are now. Please...and be with me, uncover my courage. I still need you, Anna._   
  
"Thank you, Edward. You're strong to continue. You're brave to stand up and help them. Good-bye now, my love. Good-bye, my prince."   
  
_Good-bye...Anna...._


End file.
